


all your darkest roads

by robotsdontcry



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Golden Deer spoilers, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Not A Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:01:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22239868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robotsdontcry/pseuds/robotsdontcry
Summary: “Where the hell do you think you’re going?”Dimitri wrenches himself away and charges south, no doubt in the direction Edelgard is retreating. Cursing, Felix unsheathes his sword and follows him because what else can he do? They’re surrounded by Imperial troops in seconds. Felix wants to scream, is this what you wanted?
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Comments: 5
Kudos: 41





	all your darkest roads

**Author's Note:**

> oh, when you go down all your darkest roads  
> i would've followed all the way to the graveyard

Felix is running through the apple orchard behind the palace, a looming shadow he doesn’t dare look back at. It hardly registers when he trips and scrapes his knee on gravel, blood blooming across the torn fabric of his pants. _Stupid stupid stupid—_

“Fe! Where are you?”

Footsteps are crunching along the gravel path behind him. Glenn. It’s an endlessly frustrating fact of life, that no matter how much as he trains, he can never outrun his brother. Felix dives behind a bush when the voice calls again. Crouches in the dirt and leaves, trying to make himself as small as possible. Glenn rounds the corner, then nearly steps on him.

“Hey!” his brother says, surprise written all over his face. “The horses are getting ready to leave. Where are you going?”

Felix bites his lip and looks away. “Leave me alone.”

Glenn frowns. “You’re not even gonna come say goodbye?”

“No,” Felix says resolutely.

It’s autumn in Fhirdiad. The trees in the orchard are starting to turn shades of red and orange and brown. They used to spend their afternoons apple-picking, looking forward to digging into a warm pie after dinner. At the moment, though, Felix’s mind is too occupied with fears that he can’t name. Knighthood. Glenn’s expression, dark and serious. _I’m going to Duscur._ Shadows lingering at the edge of his consciousness.

There’s a sniffling noise. Glenn’s expression softens and Felix looks away in humiliation, dragging an arm across his face. Growing up, his brother never stopped teasing him for being a crybaby. He’s too old for this now.

“C’mere, you.” Glenn opens up his arms. After a moment’s hesitation Felix ventures out of the bush, burying his head into his brother’s shoulder. 

In a muffled voice he says, “It’s not fair.” 

It’s not fair, that he keeps losing his brother to the Kingdom more and more every day. What also isn’t fair is that Dimitri gets to go. It doesn’t matter to Felix that he’s the prince of Faerghus. These days, he’s always busy with royal duties and never has time for him anymore. Somehow Felix is always the one left behind. 

“Sorry, Fe. I’m just following orders.” Glenn shrugs. “Duscur’s been a dangerous place lately. They need to bring more people in case something happens.”

Felix scowls. He knows the answer but asks anyway. “Why do _you_ have to go?”

“Well, who else is gonna protect the prince?” Glenn says as if it’s obvious. _We were born for this,_ Felix hears. _Why else did we learn to swing a sword?_ “You’ll understand when you’re older.”

He’s staring somewhere past Felix, into the apple trees. Felix looks, but doesn’t see anything of interest. While he’s distracted, Glenn takes advantage of the opportunity to tousle his hair. Felix lets out a strangled yelp and throws a punch at his shoulder, but his brother dodges easily. For a moment they just wrestle with each other in the leaves, everything else forgotten.

“Ow! Okay, you win!” Felix yells. Glenn grins and releases him. Covered in dirt and twigs, they lie in a pile of dead leaves and watch sunlight filter through the branches. The sloping hills in the distance are soft and golden.

“I’ll miss you,” Felix mumbles after a long silence.

“Ugh, don’t get sappy.”

Frowning, Felix turns to aim a punch at his arm. “You better not die out there and leave me all alone.” It lands harmlessly. Glenn just laughs. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll be back before you know it.” Glenn sits up and stretches. “I should probably get going. You want to come see us off?”

“Maybe,” Felix decides grudgingly.

-

The color of the professor’s eyes keeps shifting in the dying light: clear amber, midnight blue, brilliant gold. When they look at Felix, they seem to stare straight through him. There are times when he wonders whether the professor is human at all. 

“I fight for myself,” Felix says, breathing hard. “That’s all.”

He rolls out of the way as the professor brings their sword down, then steps forward and slashes upward. The professor darts to the side. Anyone else would’ve reacted too late.

In the middle of their sparring match, the professor had asked him, _Why do you fight?_ A pointless question; he’s not here to engage in conversation. Felix sweeps out his leg, aiming for the back of the knees. They barely manage to dodge, righting their balance quickly.

“Interesting technique,” the professor says. “You don’t fight like a knight. You want to win at all costs.” 

Felix grunts, staying in alert stance. The professor feints right, then darts left at the last second. Their next strike grazes Felix’s shoulder. 

“Don’t tell me you’re any different.” Felix takes another stab at them. They parry. “You grew up as a mercenary. It’s obvious from your fighting style.”

The professor is the first mercenary he’s ever gotten to know. He has to admit, they’re freakishly strong. It’s clear they grew up swinging a sword, and they aren’t afraid to use their fists in a fight when it comes down to it. Still, there’s something about their stone-faced look that Felix can’t shake. It bothers him, and he’s the one who’s been burying his emotions since he was thirteen.

The training grounds are empty except for the two of them. By silent agreement, they’ve started meeting here every Friday afternoon after class, while everyone else heads out to town for the evening. The professor must not have many friends either. Then again, the only people Felix has ever seen them with is the archbishop and the green-haired man with the perpetual stick up his ass. Can’t blame them.

The professor’s expression turns thoughtful. “You’re right. Growing up, I was only taught to survive.” Felix watches as the edge of their sword catches what remains of the fading sunlight. It’s always been something of fascination to him, the fragmented blade reminding him of dragon’s teeth.

“But even so, there are people I care about,” they continue. “That I fight to protect. Don’t you feel the same?”

“They’re all dead,” Felix snaps.

The Dimitri he once thought he knew died at Duscur, along with his brother. The prince at the monastery now isn’t worth protecting. He’s just an imposter, his smooth and polished exterior hiding the beast within. Something small and ugly rears itself in his chest.

“You don’t know me,” Felix snarls. “What’s your point?”

“Perhaps I don’t,” the professor acknowledges. They’re observing him, calm as ever, with those piercing eyes. “But you seem afraid.” 

Felix scoffs. “Of what? Don’t be stupid.”

Enough talk. He lunges forward. The professor anticipates his next strike, but not quickly enough. Felix slashes with a low sweeping arc of his sword, catching them on the left side. He watches with vicious satisfaction as they stumble backward, caught off guard.

“What do you want me to say? You and I, we’re the same,” he grits out. “We fight for no one but ourselves. Like stray dogs, just trying to survive.”

\- 

When the hill goes up in flames, Dimitri’s already gotten too far ahead. He wasn’t supposed to advance past the front lines, and now the fire is making it damn near impossible to guard him. Above Felix, there’s a flash of white.

“Get back!” Ingrid screams at him from atop her pegasus.

“The boar’s going to kill himself,” Felix snaps. In the distance Dimitri is a blur of black and blue, striking down anything that moves. Felix can barely see through the haze of smoke and ash, but Dimitri seems to know exactly where he’s going. Somewhere in the southwest corner of Gronder Field, the emperor of Adrestia awaits.

They're being overrun by Alliance forces. He should’ve expected the professor to choose the Alliance, Claude and his silver tongue. The professor had no reason to join the Kingdom in their hopeless war against Edelgard for the last five years. Felix thought he knew better than anyone else who to trust and who to fear, but somehow it still feels like a betrayal.

“Well, so are you!” 

Ingrid sounds hysterical. He’s never seen her like this before. Felix narrowly avoids an axe to the shoulder, darts to the right and slashes upward. Blood sprays the grass. Beside him, Ingrid takes out a mage who'd been getting ready to unleash a Banshee spell. “Is Dedue with him?”

“I don’t know.” He doesn’t have to see her face to know she’s crying. “Felix, we have to retreat, we’re losing. Mercedes already…”

He doesn’t have time for this. Smoke burning his lungs, Felix stumbles to the bottom of the burning hill, where he gets ambushed by a group of mounted soldiers. Fuck. In his head he hears Ingrid saying _I told you so_ in the same tone of voice she used in their academy days, when he and Sylvain kept getting caught sneaking out of lectures. 

He can’t see Dimitri anymore. Sometime between taking out the rest of the cavaliers and fighting his way to the platform, Felix takes an arrow to the shoulder. He grits his teeth against the pain and frustration. It’s not going to kill him, but it’ll slow him down. 

When he finally does catch up to the boar, Edelgard is nowhere to be seen. Dimitri just stands there with his cloak covered in blood, chest heaving, staring at nothing. 

Felix grabs Dimitri’s shoulder. “It’s useless,” he snarls. “She’s gone. We have to retreat.”

Dimitri’s eyes are dark. He looks at Felix without really seeing him. “I will kill her,” he spits out. “If it’s the last thing I do.”

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?”

Dimitri wrenches himself away and charges south, no doubt in the direction Edelgard is retreating. Cursing, Felix unsheathes his sword and follows him because what else can he do? They’re surrounded by Imperial troops in seconds. Felix wants to scream, _is this what you wanted?_

He’s too busy trying to shield Dimitri that he doesn’t notice the lance gouged in his own side. Then Dimitri goes down a few yards to his right, his body pierced with spears. His whole body on fire, Felix crawls the rest of the way over to him.

Dimitri’s eyes are closed, once-golden hair now dulled with dirt and dust. He’s alive, but not for long. A lifetime of running after Dimitri, only to arrive too late. Maybe Felix was never supposed to catch up. Maybe, all along, he was only meant to watch from a distance as Dimitri blazed his own path forward. Fly too close to the sun and you burn.

“What did I tell you,” Felix croaks. “Dimitri.”

Dimitri stirs beside him. His mouth moves in the shape of Edelgard’s name. 

Then he dies, head falling limp to the side. Fuck it, Felix decides, there’s nothing left for him but to die here too.

**Author's Note:**

> playing blue lions first was a mistake.


End file.
